What is the tone you set for who you are, the culture of safety on all levels for children, schools, neighborhoods, our world? What types of seeds do you plant when you walk in your day?
Do you recognize the leaf as a budding plant, a bully as terrified and a child watching for cultural norms of whether they are a tomato or jalapeno? Do you know how to cultivate that seed or the perpetrator who needs serious intervention so they don’t rape the soil? Do you know how to keep your garden safe without slithering in the soil to catch the wolves or ignoring the growls because you’re not sure how to protect yourself?
We rape the soil in the garden when we don’t include the right ingredients to replenish it. We rape our culture when we don’t teach ourselves to replenish the soul so we can grow into amazing adults. Which is a weed, which is a plant and don’t weeds replenish the soil?
Do we have a rape culture or are we well-fed with life skills, compassion and a proactive culture? Look closer and hear what you say when your son cries, watch what you teach the neighbor girl when she is being “selfish” with her toy, what color onesie did you buy for the boy?
Is this the prevention of a rotten culture or am I chasing parasites after they start devouring my potato buds? When we support the soil, fungus cannot grow and people will not be in so much pain that the only way they see to have control is to be in a counseling profession just waiting for the desperate to apply. Perhaps if we knew how to treat the fungus we would not defend someone with a strong track record of sexual abuse because we are afraid of the truth. Perhaps we would not pull the weeds and throw them away without seeing their worth.
What culture do you sow in your garden? Do you listen when someone expresses concern, or do you want it to go away because you don’t have a remedy for it? Or does it bring up your own trauma history and you don’t know how to treat yourself with that level of care?
Get a little uncomfortable and look at your gardening techniques so you can save the child from being preyed upon, look at the tone you set for boys to be tough, aggressive to be successful, dominant to be a man. Try it for a moment or a million to notice how you insist she hugs that person anyway, demand a why for her objections, shame her for wearing a cute bikini or him for liking pink.
Where do you think our damaged man culture comes from? I’m angry that we continue to support a culture that grows adult men who perpetrate and women who defend them!
Bury your head in the rutabaga, ignore the nature of our soil, the lack of life skills and lack of systems that authentically support our human experience. Shame yourself back into submission, or choose to fertilize our little plants with clean water, expressing all emotions for both genders, water the perennials with navigating tools for authentic kindness that feeds our roots.
Toss the girl power culture in the compost, this is a human culture. Equal pay because girls know how to negotiate, feelings so men experience more than anger and know that valuing women is not a weakness, and being empowered is not bitchy.
This is not a bad man issue or a helpless woman issue, this is a culture issue.
We are master gardeners! Let’s get our straw hats together and make a plan for harvesting an abundant culture!