Astrology offers so many tools for understanding and relationships are no exception. But is relationship astrology just about compatible sun signs? All Capricorns and Tauruses are earth signs, so they’re all good, right? Not necessarily! If it were only that easy.
Relationship astrology is complex and very deep. But doesn’t that make perfect sense? Name one simple relationship you have, one that triggers nothing within you. And by “triggers” I don’t mean just drama; I mean inspiration and dreaming, and also those relationships that make you feel that those inspirations and dreams are pointless and silly. What is that all about?
It is always wise to begin with the self and then expand outward. We must first understand ourselves before we can even begin to understand others and the world around us.
There are four main sectors in astrology that are initially evaluated. First the self, then the family of origin, then others/our relationships and finally our worldly ambition. Each sector is represented by the first, fourth, seventh, and tenth houses in the birth chart. These cardinal houses point the direction for us, just like a compass. What we see here and experience will be determined based on our decisions and our unique life path. Without fail, one of these four areas of life comes up consistently in my office.
We must have understanding in these sensitive areas for us to feel a sense of fulfillment. Astrology can never “fix” anything; these solutions are always our responsibility. But astrology’s wisdom and insight can direct us to a path that is in alignment with our higher self. For example, let’s say someone has the planet of freedom and change (Uranus) in the seventh house of partnership and marriage. The “other” who would help fulfill them would be one who lives outside the normal lines of life: perhaps a long-distance relationship or being involved with someone who travels a lot — being with another who understands your need for freedom and creating an innovative approach to relationships.
Is that the solution? No, it is a guide, it is a direction. Solutions are what we do with information. It is action that creates solutions. But when you are lost in a dark room searching for the way out and someone opens a window of light, suddenly there is hope. Astrology offers that window of hope and a direct course of change. It is what you do with the information that will ultimately change the direction of your life. But if you continue to try to nurse needy souls that smother you, you will continue to feel frustration and utter depletion. It will be all the more difficult to focus on yourself or your worldly ambitions when you have a thousand pounds of pressure in this dilapidated area of relationship.
So what is relationship astrology?
It is first looking at one horoscope and understanding that person’s primary desires for intimacy and connection, and their love language. Then I look at the other person’s horoscope and understand that person’s needs and how they best operate. It is always first separate, as you each are. It isn’t just about compatible sun signs; far from it.
Once the separate identities are clear, then the relationship is formed, professionally called a composite chart. This is the actual relationship chart, which is the combination of both horoscopes. The relationship itself is a force of energy filled with particular needs, desires and worldly aims. There is no one like you alive on this planet, just like there is no one like your partner alive on this planet. Therefore, when the two of you come together, a completely unique experience is created. A blending of two energies that together creates one. When you are with that person, the relationship becomes the director and something special comes to life when you are with that person. You fall into roles, habits and patterns that have the potential to propel you beyond your limitations, as well as lock you in a prison of isolation and miserable repetition.
Sometimes the actual relationship itself is the source of pain. It’s not you or the other, but more specifically what happens when you each come together. We’ve all been there. Whenever we are with that one person we become the reactors, perpetrators, victims — or the comedians, the life of the party, openhearted and vulnerable, sexy, and incredibly confident.
All of our relationships contain a specific “Morse code” within them and we become the energy of what happens when we are with that person. We can blame them for bringing out our victim or worship them because they bring out a wild, attractive side. Either way, they shine light onto a part of ourselves that is intrinsically there already. That secret space that has always been there, but connected with their energy, their light gives us permission to shine it. We give others the credit for what has been there all along. They are only igniting a part of us that was dormant; with them in our life, suddenly it comes to life. What they shine on the relationship will express: bliss and ecstasy or constant turmoil and pain. Whatever it is, it has always been there within us. Always. Without them, we would’ve missed it completely.
Already you are seeing that there is no one to blame, no sides to take, no right or wrong. Imagine a relationship within this context. When no one is to blame, we allow ourselves to be who we are and miraculously, change becomes imminent.
Obviously, our most important relationships are those with whom we spend the most time. As children it is our parents or grandparents. As teenagers it is our peer groups and the new world of dating. As adults it is within a marriage or partnership of our choosing. Understanding what each person needs from the relationship changes the unconscious pattern of behavior. We just act, doing what we instinctively know. Change comes in any area of our life when we stop, pause and to actually look at it, especially from an objective perspective, as the watcher.
The astrologer is the objective observer. When I do relationship charts, I know nothing about either of you aside from the map of the skies the moment you were born: your energetic blueprint stocked full of insight and direction. From there we talk, we listen, we feel, we experience the relationship, and we create a plan together full of potential and solutions for you, your child, your partner, your friend, and then the unique relationship itself that is created with each of you. It is a step-by-step process as well as a collaboration.
Relationship astrology is deeply intimate and possesses the ability to break through offenses and defenses and bring to light the higher lessons of the relationship. It is a gift from above to understand ourselves and those closest to us — because ultimately, they are our greatest teachers.